Every now and then I double take… myself. It’s an odd experience. One which I imagine is quite unique to the transgender community.
When walking past a mirror or reflective surface (spoon, kettle, dark window, the highly polished side of a cheese counter) I sometimes do not recognise the person looking back at me. This has the most impact when I don’t look directly at the mirror, but catch the reflection out of the corner of my sight, a peripheral glance if you will.
It’s hard to explain the sensation, but it comes down to this; I have simply forgotten what I look like now. For my first 27 years I kept a pretty similar appearance and gradually altered my appearance. My reflection was certainly no stranger to me, I saw ‘him’ every day.
That mirrored, opposite version of myself.
Now, however, I have changed so much in the past year and continue to change rapidly. So much so that I actually forget what I look like sometimes. When I wear a wig this is particularly true, but the strange and wonderful thing happening now is that these double tales are happened more frequently without me wearing a wig.
The feeling I get is liberating. ‘Oh my god that girl in the mirror is me!’ ‘Wow this is actually happening’.
At the start of my transition mirrors were the enemy, it’s nice to finally be able to see the real me appearing in the mirror, and for mirror (and other reflective surfaces) being an ally.